My advice goes to my roommate who is working on a long-distance relationship. She is frustrated because she feels that her boyfriend does not show her enough affection, even when they're together. She's talked to him multiple times about it, and can't seem to get it through to him that she needs more.
I know some of you are probably thinking, why does she have to be so needy? Well, what you fail to understand is that everybody has their own "love language," where they have personal things that make them feel loved, and they show love in return. For some people, it's sending a little texts once or twice a day when they're not with their significant other. For others it might be making dinner for them, or doing a household chore so that their partner won't have to later. For some people, they need the extra little hug, or the kiss on the cheek to reassure them that they are loved, and they will want to reciprocate those actions. Sometimes not getting those little things that you need in a relationship to be happy can actually end the relationship all together.
My advice; you have to determine if this is what you NEED to make the relationship work. Though it is different for a long distance relationship because you aren't able to physically touch the person, there are other ways of showing affection. If this is what needs to happen for you to feel like you are in a loving relationship, and he(or she) can't give it to you, maybe it's not meant to be. It's the smaller things that make people compatible, much more so than the big picture things (like your occupation or where you're from). As hard as it might be to face, sometimes these things aren't meant to be, no matter how badly you want to make them work.
While you are unable to be selfish when making a relationship work, you are allowed to be a little selfish when you determine WHAT makes your relationship work, though realize that often, relationships are not 50/50. You have to be flexible and sacrifice from time to time, but not all the time.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Inspiration-Sucking-Teacher
My advice goes to my fellow student who is frustrated with a professor who doesn't seem to be giving her the inspiration she needs to complete her work for the class. He is more concerned with his own agenda than helping her create a project that she can be proud of and use as an important part of her portfolio.
I say; screw the professor. Teachers are there to help you learn, help you become better in your field and create an environment in which you can work your skills to the best of your ability. If you're teacher isn't doing that, take charge for yourself. We are paying thousands of dollars to be here, and we deserve something for our money. If the professor can't give it to you, find some one who can. Find a mentor within the program that can help you, or seek an internship in which you know you can learn more. Often, our education is what we make it. Make it into something that works better for you. And use the teacher's class time to get other things done. Many times, I have found myself in a class the is a waste of my time, and I often get work for other classes done, or errands like grocery shopping lists.
Yes, this class is required to take, which is really a shame because it doesn't seem to be doing much for this student, but as I like to say; "Don't let school get in the way of your education."
I say; screw the professor. Teachers are there to help you learn, help you become better in your field and create an environment in which you can work your skills to the best of your ability. If you're teacher isn't doing that, take charge for yourself. We are paying thousands of dollars to be here, and we deserve something for our money. If the professor can't give it to you, find some one who can. Find a mentor within the program that can help you, or seek an internship in which you know you can learn more. Often, our education is what we make it. Make it into something that works better for you. And use the teacher's class time to get other things done. Many times, I have found myself in a class the is a waste of my time, and I often get work for other classes done, or errands like grocery shopping lists.
Yes, this class is required to take, which is really a shame because it doesn't seem to be doing much for this student, but as I like to say; "Don't let school get in the way of your education."
Out of Touch Parents
This question comes from a younger friend of mine who has been having problems with her parent's separation anxiety. She says that they still try to control her life and tell her what to do, even though she is trying to become an adult in the university.
My advice; don't let them tell you. This may be easier said then done, because a part of us will always be yearning for our parents' approval on our lives, but you are not a child any more and you are capable of taking care of yourself.
One way to do this is just not tell them things that you're doing until you've already done them. This way they can't tell you to not do it, and in the end they'll see that you're fine and that there was no point to worrying anyways. But this might work for other situations better than others. For instance; "Hey mom, I went on a trip to the city this weekend with my roommates, it was great!" as opposed to "Daddy, check out my tattoo!" This may be difficult for some to do however because it feels like lying or sneaking around. In that case, I would suggest not asking them, but telling them. Tell them that you're going to do something. Don't make it sound like you're asking for their approval on what you're doing, but in fact you are doing them a favor by telling them what you are doing with your life.
College can be an awkward time for child/parent relationships because the child is no longer emotionally dependent on the parent, but their kid is still using their money. Be patient with them, because you know they've been patient with you through out the years, and give them time to realize how mature you've become, and how much you've grown as an individual.
My advice; don't let them tell you. This may be easier said then done, because a part of us will always be yearning for our parents' approval on our lives, but you are not a child any more and you are capable of taking care of yourself.
One way to do this is just not tell them things that you're doing until you've already done them. This way they can't tell you to not do it, and in the end they'll see that you're fine and that there was no point to worrying anyways. But this might work for other situations better than others. For instance; "Hey mom, I went on a trip to the city this weekend with my roommates, it was great!" as opposed to "Daddy, check out my tattoo!" This may be difficult for some to do however because it feels like lying or sneaking around. In that case, I would suggest not asking them, but telling them. Tell them that you're going to do something. Don't make it sound like you're asking for their approval on what you're doing, but in fact you are doing them a favor by telling them what you are doing with your life.
College can be an awkward time for child/parent relationships because the child is no longer emotionally dependent on the parent, but their kid is still using their money. Be patient with them, because you know they've been patient with you through out the years, and give them time to realize how mature you've become, and how much you've grown as an individual.
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